Showing posts with label Labville. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Labville. Show all posts

28.2.11

It works for Etrigan.

Argh! Ever since I got all fancy with the font options for that Young Galaxy post, I can't shake the feeling that I messed up the default settings. Then again, I suppose there's a difference between "minimalist aesthetics" (what I wanted), "simple and clean" (what I'd settle for), and "default settings" (what I got). Maybe I should take this as a sign to start fiddling... but maybe later.

Anyway, the poetry night is Wednesday, so I've been busy preparing for that. Over the weekend, I tried my hand at edgy social commentary in the form of free verse: I already know that slam poetry's awesome, and I still want to work my way towards that. So, I went with an experience I once had in Ottawa: an unemployed man approached me on the street and asked me for ten dollars. That was a bit more than the price of cheap calories, so I asked him why... he explained that he had a job lined up in Fort McMurray, but he just needed to get there, and he had to supply his own steel-toed boots.

Now, I've never been to Fort McMurray, but even in Swan Hills they'll pay for your steel-toed shoes as a job perk. They even paid for *my* steel-toed shoes, and I never dropped anything heavier than a ball-point pen on them.

(Well, that and sixteen litres of hexane. But that's a different story.)

So was this fellow lying? Was he hoping that the appearance of self-betterment would help his panhandling? Did he figure that getting ten dollars an eighth as often as getting one dollar would be more profitable in the long run? I can't really argue the cynics in that appraisal of the situation.

But yet... what if he simply had his story wrong? What if he heard from a friend of a friend of a friend about the good life in the Oil Sands, and along the way, the stories got distorted so that the steel-toed boots became the key that caused those kingdom gates to open, rather than simply being direct consequence of living there?

(And it is, too - I doubt there are schoolteachers or dental assistants in Fort Mac that don't have their own pair of steel-toed footwear.)

If that's the case, then this unemployed fellow is not the swindler, but the swindled. Who knows? Perhaps he's already paid some unscrupulous headhunter a "finder's fee" to line up a job for him... Either way, I thought it was an interesting commentary on the perception of the Oil Sands in Ottawa, so I tried knocking out some blank verse that reflects such a view.

And then I tried editing it a little, and it turned into a terzanelle. Maybe I'm just going to be one of those poets cursed to rhyme in everything they write?

Anyway, here you go.

Strangely efficient, strange that it's necessary
This is the hour they hose down the Glebe
The African restaurant's still open to passersby

Spilled beer and pizza run into the street
His jacket of denim deflects the deluge
This is the hour they hose down the Glebe

He wants to be clear, he's not asking for food
It now seems like everyone's caught in a hurry
His jacket of denim deflects the deluge

He could start work tomorrow in far Fort McMurray
He just needs ten dollars for steel-toed boots
It now seems like everyone's caught in a hurry

He can't ask for quarters, seeking humbler loot
It's a myth told by friends he has to believe
He just needs ten dollars for steel-toed boots

He's convincing himself or the people of Glebe
Strangely efficient, strange that it's necessary
It's a myth told by friends he has to believe
The African restaurant's still open to passersby

It's not quite right - not just yet. As is always the case with these things, the central image that inspired the whole thing (the homeless Caucasian being ignored outside a bustling African restaurant) is also the line that doesn't quite fit anymore. Argh! Ah, well. Such are the demands of the terzanelle.

Anyway, thanks for reading - both the poem, and the blog for its first month of revival! Here's to many more, and many better!

10.6.09

Setting Right What Once Went Wrong.

It was going to be beautiful. A cross-country road trip. Restaurant with strange misspellings of French words. Gothic wrought-iron nightclubs that played 80s pop hits. Accidentally offending German tourists. Losing a $2000 diamond in a bag of toiletries. The world's biggest blueberry.

And yet, in spite of such strange and wonderful inspirations... there was no blogging.

A more rational man might point out that upon the week of my return, I bought a PlayStation 2 and Persona 3, and that the "total time played" counter in that game tells me no lies and does me no favours. But I think there's another answer here.

New York City stole my blogging mojo.

That must have been it. So much to see, and yet so little of it that didn't look "just like New York City". Behold the final, cruel achievement of rout entertainment industry: the city's soul has been laid bare, by anyone with a Netflix account.

(And that goes double for you, Sesame Street.)

The solution is obvious, though. America stole my mojo; I have to go get it back. And if there's one place in the U.S.A., if not the world, where you can find mojo, it's San Francisco. But how can I navigate such a maze of cultural energy? I'll need a guide. A link to the life I knew, and a door to the world beyond. Who could serve such a role?

If you said The Tragically Hip, then you just guessed where I'll be on Saturday night.

I shall return on Tuesday. And I shall return... with MOJO.

19.11.08

Welcome to Labville.

My dear friends... yesterday I received an e-mail which made my dream come true.

Allow me to explain.

The e-mail was from my friend Joe in Edmonton, who's completing her psychology degree by interning at The Centennial Centre for Mental Health and Brain Injury (a.k.a. The Ponoka Asylum).

The day began with a surprise morale meltdown/walkout in the office. As they're deciding how (and if) they should deal with this... the fire alarm goes off. Half the staff are trying to figure out whether the fire is on their unit or not and the other half are trying to figure out if they evacuate all the patients yet. Eventually, it's discovered that the fire is a minor one in a different wing, so things settle down. But not long after, an announcement on the PA comes on. 

"Attention, Code White, Violent Aggressor down at the Rendezvous *scream in background*"

And nothing else is heard.

Moving on, then...

Later still in the day, she's decking the halls for the Christmas season, but the decorations got stashed somewhere during the last clean-up... finally, housekeeping directs her to their (ahem) resting place: the morgue of the geriatric ward. Apparently, the morgue doubles as the storage room, so she and her supervisor had to spend an hour sorting through boxes in a morgue, trying to find the one with Christmas decorations. How jolly.

So, it was a very interesting day for her, and it certainly made for a good story, and it was very likely something I'm never going to see at my workplace, and perhaps discussing these things in an e-mail isn't technically forbidden, but their public relations department probably doesn't enjoy such stories escaping to the outside world. It kind of sounds like something I'd write.

And the best part? The very, very best part?

The e-mail's subject line was "Tales from Ponoka". (For those who came to this blog by other routes, its origins were in the "Tales from Labville" e-mails, which I'd send to all my friends. Imagine the above, but with sewage lagoons instead of morgues.)

I don't think she knew she was applying for the position, but: Congratulations, Joe! We're going to have you spuriously exaggerating the facts and documenting crazy misadventures in no time -- because you just became my protégé.

7.4.08

Welcome to Labville.

I'm home again, I'm home at last, I'm home, I'm home for the first time in years! Greetings and good day to you all -- I'm writing this from the writing room (naturally) of the brand new condo!

The move in was no problem at all. The move out was even better -- as a matter of fact, my damage deposit was larger than expected -- and unpacking box after box of childhood memorabilia, although arduous, was hardly unenjoyable. So why am I so happy to be done at last, and after such a long absence?

Let us just say that Telus and I have reached an agreement, by which the healing process can begin.

Enough of that, then. On with the future!

...

Hm. You'd think I would have thought of something clever and pithy during that week of downtime.

Ah, well. Now that I'm back, I'm sure I'll be more entertaining tomorrow.

16.5.07

Barista for a week.

Earlier this week, I was helping out with accomodating some visiting VIPs (i.e. getting coffee), and during one of their meetings, one of my co-workers noticed a safety officer poking around with the control panel. Out of curiosity, we approached.

"Excuse me... is there a problem here?"

"Oh, no, no," he replied. "We're just getting ready for the fire alarm test."

Glances were exchanged. "Fire alarm? Today?"

"Yep, it's already been scheduled."

"I...see. Have you mentioned this to the three dozen international delegates in the room across the hall?"

"Well, I didn't want to interrupt."

Wasn't that considerate? He didn't want to interrupt (so he let us interrupt the meeting instead). I don't know about you, but I'm willing to file that under "Irony".

After the conference had ended, all that was left was the clean-up and the tear-down. While packing up the percolator and silverware for the cafeteria, we realised there was still a bag of sugar left over. Not the original bag, though. This was an ordinary paper bag, filled with half a kilo of sugar. It wouldn't be sanitary to pour it back, but that was an awful lot of sugar to simply discard. Finally, I hit upon a solution:

"Why don't we pour it all down a gopher hole and see what happens?"

The concept was very well-received, but sadly, we never acted upon it. Not because we had any particular sympathy for the gophers... rather, piles of unidentified white powder tend to create a lot of concern in this industry.

Ah, well. It was an excellent week, regardless.

28.11.06

Slapstick.

Today at work, I almost fell out of my chair backwards in a manner that would have had me land on my face. A sufficient amount of windmilling was able to stave off disaster, although I somehow managed to pull my hamstring in the process.

The cynical person might assume that naturally, that's exactly when my boss walked in the office. Hah! I'll have you know that I was actually talking to my boss when this happened.

Welcome to Labville: where nothing happens in half-measures.