Bicentennial Man.

It's almost a week until May, which means that yes, I finally got off my duff and tussled with the taxes. Normally, the process goes like this:

1. Open up the desk drawer with important stuff in it
2. Take the paper on top
3a. If it's tax-related, put it to the pile on the right
3b. If not, put it in the pile to the left
4. Continue until I have all my tax stuff
5. Do taxes
6. Put left pile back in drawer
7. Put right pile back in drawer

Well, this year, it's a new condo with a fresh start and all that, so I dumped the entire "important stuff" drawer on the kitchen table, gave the desk away, and started sorting.

And in case you're not impressed, I found pay stubs from my days bagging groceries at O.K. Economy in that drawer. I don't think "O.K. Economy" even exists anymore... (and really, if you were looking for quality foodstuffs, would you look in a place named for "unremarkably acceptable savings"? I always wondered about that.)

All right. Now you're impressed, and you're wondering what little marvels I uncovered in the "important stuff" drawer. Some highlights:

- my Social Insurance card
- my high school transcript
- a rap song I tried to write
- the address of Mike Brown in Halifax, Nova Scotia. He once taught me a closely guarded secret: the second verse to "I's the b'y that builds the boat." He also stood outside an elevator that had trapped two of my schoolmates, and shouted awful puns at them for thirty minutes while the hotel staff tried to open the doors.
- a 2006 government cheque for $86 that I never cashed. (I cashed it.)

and, most significantly:

- Atanarjuat's bill of sale.

You know, for some reason, I thought I'd agreed to a six-year payment plan. Actually, it was sixty months, meaning that as of July 4, 2008... that car is in my name and my name alone. Wow. I never thought that the day would come so soon. In fact... it's coming a bit too soon. You see, its odometer is currently at 194,000 km. Now, the way I see it -- if it's going to be my car, why not make it a car no one else would want? So, I started doing the math.

6,000 km to go. 100 km per day commuting to work, multiplied by number of workdays until July 4, divided by the number of people in the carpool. That's 2,000. Ten weekends until July 4. That's 400 km per weekend, then, and I'll be able to roll two hundred thousand kilometers in five years.

Specifically, I'm aiming for 200,027 km, since it had 27 km on the dial when I bought it in 2003.

So, Calgary this weekend (600km). Edmonton in May (1200km). June in Saskatoon (950km), because that rhymes. That still leaves about 1300km of road trip for the finale. So, either I go to Swift Current and back three times in a row, or I find some far-off destination to serve as a finish line.

And then, I shall weep the salty tears of a man who has nothing left to conquer.


Al said...

Medicine Hat
Rouleau (in honour of Corner Gas' last season)
Weyburn (because its about 700km from Medicine Hat)
Caronport (because the food is good)
Main Centre (in honour of Homer Simpson)
Medicine Hat...

The only part of this that could cause it to fall down is that there don't appear to be any roads going to Main Centre... might be better to skip Weyburn and spend the night in Regina or something... then get the rest of the distance being lost looking for Main Centre...

It would fulfill the distance requirement... and could be done in a weekend...

Karen said...

Are you going to stop at 200,027 and walk home? or are you calculating carefully to arrive home at 200,027 on the button?

Denton said...

Al: Well, of *course* Regina's going to fit in the plans somewhere -- don't worry about that.

Karen: My first choice would be to hit 200,027 as I pull onto the parking lot of Northstar Hyundai in Edmonton, where I bought it, and then ask if it's still under warranty.

My second choice would be to hit 200,027 in mid-air.

Karen said...

I should also mention that you did 200K in 5 years and I did it in 25. Stanley rolled over 200K and 25 years simultaneously on January 1, 2005 and stopped running in celebration. Hefty repair bills were experienced.

About The Author

My photo

Canadian explorer. Chemist by training, biologist by nature. Long-time supporter and participant in National Novel Writing Month. Known as "Aquadeo" in most Internet circles. Also known as "that guy with the pants" to people who have seen me in certain pants.