Open wide.

A few years ago, when I lived in my parents' house in Regina, I called in a piano tuner. I wasn't in when he stopped by, but my brother handled the visit. When I came back, my brother ruefully explained to me that he had received a thirty-minute lecture from said tuner, and had been informed in shameful detail how mistreated the piano was, how it should have been tuned years ago and properly maintained since, and how he was violating his high standards by even accepting our uncultured money.

On that note, today I went to the dentist for the first time in nine years.


He was perfectly congenial, but during his initial inspection, he said something I never thought I'd hear from a dentist.

"Denton, I hope you won't be offended by my saying this..."


"...but you've got the biggest mouth I've ever seen."

Wait. What?

I can't possibly imagine why he'd lie about such a thing... but that would mean he's telling the truth, which I understand even less. I'm frightened and confused, and none of this makes any sense.

Although it might explain a few things about karaoke night.

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About The Author

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Canadian explorer. Chemist by training, biologist by nature. Long-time supporter and participant in National Novel Writing Month. Known as "Aquadeo" in most Internet circles. Also known as "that guy with the pants" to people who have seen me in certain pants.