Boo humbug. There, I said it.

Two blocks from my place, there's a house with a glowing pumpkin on the front yard. A giant inflatable glowing pumpkin. It's got a transparent section, so you can look inside, and see a miniature motorised inflatable carousel, with goblins and witches riding on ponies.

What happened to Hallowe'en?

It wasn't long ago that Hallowe'en was my favourite of all holidays. I cooed over how cute the little ninja turtles were when they came to the door. I started sewing my costume in September. I threw rice and toast at the movie screen with the best of them. But I've finally realised that someone replaced the Haunted House with the Tunnel of Love. Take a look around at Hallowe'en decorations. First of all, you notice that they've been in place for two weeks already. Then, you notice that the bats are smiling. The ghosts are soft and cuddly. The skeletons look well fed. Even the vampires look domesticated.

Nothing is remotely scary anymore. They're happy to be dead. "Isn't this fun?", they cry. "Come share some candy with us!"

That's not even getting into the people who dress up as princesses or superheroes or cowboys. You're not even trying! Now, I do appreciate people who put effort into making their own costume, but that's not Hallowe'en -- that's cosplay.

Hallowe'en used to be the one night of the year when evil spirits rose up and walked among the living. The idea was that if you "survived" it, you could breathe a little easier for the rest of the year. Besides, everyone enjoys a good scare from time to time... almost as much as we enjoy scaring others.

Sadly, ours is a culture that has finally become afraid of fear itself. How dare those people wave a plastic chainsaw at that little girl! Don't they know that could traumatise her? It's almost as if they want to teach her that evil exists in this world, and that some things aren't under the complete control of her parents! They're ruining Hallowe'en!

Fine, then. If that's what society is scared of, then that's what I'm going to give them. Next year, I'll be handing out homemade cookies to the kids. They'll be perfectly fine, of course -- there won't even be any peanuts or fish in them, out of allergy concerns. However, I'm going to have a blast watching their parents' faces turn white at these unimaginable horrors.

However, that's for next Hallowe'en. I already bought this year's treats...

Fruit bars and coconuts.

Go ahead... try claiming I stuffed a razor blade into that.


Cara said...

Amen to that.

I was going to dress as a princess. Instead, I decided on becoming the oozing, bleeding undead because, dammit, it's what Halloween is all about!

Denton said...

Beautiful! By the way, I also include "pimps" in the list of adult cosplay. Mainly because I want a certain Earl of Beaumarchais to have something in common with men who dress up like Pokémon.

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Canadian explorer. Chemist by training, biologist by nature. Long-time supporter and participant in National Novel Writing Month. Known as "Aquadeo" in most Internet circles. Also known as "that guy with the pants" to people who have seen me in certain pants.