18.6.08

They're on to me.

It's the e-mail every employee at the Greenhouse dreads, and it showed up in my inbox this morning:

"Denton,

Do you have any other names besides Denton?

Thanks,

[Administration]"

Oh, NO. Was it the blog? Was it Facebook? Was it the message boards? Was it my compulsive lying? Was it that time I couldn't keep the secret any longer, and ran out into the woods, and whispered it into a hollow tree trunk?

Whatever it was, I had to maintain my dignity, and my honesty. The cover-up is worse than the crime, after all. And so, I submitted my full name, its variations (Dent, Dentman, Mr. Denton, Dent-o), my nicknames (Hawaii, Steeltrap, The Man With The Shirt, The Man With The Pants), and my alternate identities (Mercapto Markovnikov, Viatcheslav Dovjenko, Aquadeo Esquadat, Reco Armando House, and Greg Brown). Actually, that last one is just the name on my Safeway Club Card. What can I say? I panicked a little bit. I even listed my World of Warcraft character as Gzowski Morgnigngside, Gnome Adventurer. (I've never actually played World of Warcraft, but that doesn't mean I don't have it all worked out.)

A few hours later, I got my reply:

"Perhaps I asked the question poorly... I just wanted to know what name was on your passport for your personnel file.

Thanks, though.

[Administration]"

Apparently, I just gave myself a new nickname: The Man With The Names.

I can live with that. Even if it does make me the complete opposite of Clint Eastwood.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nicely done.

Now I have hashbrowns coming out my nose.

-neb

Denton said...

Thanks! That makes me feel a lot better of the low hashbrown spew-inducement factor of my newest post!

About The Author

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Canadian explorer. Chemist by training, biologist by nature. Long-time supporter and participant in National Novel Writing Month. Known as "Aquadeo" in most Internet circles. Also known as "that guy with the pants" to people who have seen me in certain pants.