Kid Icarus and me.

All right, Day One of my post-Ratatouille week of good cooking. Like I said, I've really regressed into the title of Iron Chef Microwaveable Single Serving in recent days, so I'm going to start out with an old familiar tune.

ROUND 1: EGGPLANT PARMESAN

Ah, the noble aubergine. Such texture, such delicate taste, such accomodating nature. Just look at that colour -- how could I call something so dignified an "eggplant"? No, it'll always be an aubergine to me.

It's tasty, it works well with any sauce you throw at it, and it's simple to handle. Chopped and fried, they quickly turn into a gooey mess, but here's my workaround:

Cut in half lengthwise

Scoop out center with a spoon

Parboil the halves, face up (i.e. boil them in just a few centimetres of water)

Take them out, and peel off the skin (it helps to get a knife underneath the top layer)

There you go. Your Aubergine will now behave like a vegetable, rather than a gelatinous membrane. Now you can chop it up for your stirfry, work it into your pasta, and so on. Tonight, I fried up some mushrooms and garlic in another pan, added a bit of tomato sauce, spooned it into the halves, coated with parmesan, and baked it until the cheese got toasty.

True, they had all the structural support of an old pair of moccasins, but at least they respond to cutlery.

Mmm. You know, the eggplant will always have a special place in my heart -- they're one of the first things I put in my culinary repertoire, after all. If I ever design a personal coat of arms, you can be sure that you'll see that wonderful shade of purple worked in there somewhere.

All right -- Round One wasn't difficult, but it's got me fired up. Tune in tomorrow for Round Two! (and I'm taking suggestions!)

From the country that gave you Spotted Dick.

At the greenhouse cafeteria last week, the British officer in front of me politely asked the lady at the sandwich bar for a special request - something to remind him back home. Her heart thus swayed, she unwisely agreed to fulfill his twisted desires... and then he asked for a bacon, mayonnaise, and ketchup sandwich.

You know, just because something's edible doesn't actually mean it's good. Fortunately, there's a way to make this world a more tasteful place, and you can even salve your own crushed soul in the process: Ratatouille. The Pixar magic is still there, people. Highly recommended for parents, children, chefs, gourmets, and/or anybody who's ever enjoyed a movie.

One of the interesting things about the movie is how it's influenced by Jim Henson, of all people. I couldn't put my finger on it, but the movie was rich with that warm, good-natured, half-experimental fuzziness that pervaded the Muppet Show. There was that similar feeling that the creators didn't really know if they should be doing this, but since they wouldn't be happy doing it any other way, that they might as well have some fun with it. If only other movies would show the same heart...

The movie doesn't have a message, but like all good stories, it has an underlying theme. And from that theme, not only do I understand and forgive that wretched British soul for his BMK sandwich, but I'm inspired to do better. I've sufficed with bachelor cuisine for far too long. My Iron Chef talents have gone to fallow -- but no more! Tonight, my kitchen is reborn in a phoenix's flames.

But not literally, I hope.