Art Vandelay. Architect.

When I worked in the water labs, there was a courier who would stop by often. A merry soul, he always had a smile and a joke for us. A wonderful man. I remember once, I was outside the building for some reason when he pulled up, and for the first time, I saw the title he'd stenciled underneath his name on his truck's door: "Hot Air Balloonist and Bon Vivant."

Naturally, it was great to find out he was a balloonist, but the second half of the title was equally impressive. Why don't we do that more often, and give ourselves a title for which it's a pleasure to embody?

And now, let us fast forward to the present day, when I've just learned that our local Roller Derby team, The Gas City Rollers, are hosting another derby on June 4th. Not only that, but they've listed sponsorship options on their website... and it's a tempting option indeed. Buy two tickets, chip in an extra $30, and get your business card in the program. Or, as I read it... chip in an extra $30, and they print the business card of your choosing.

Now, my only question is this: which job should I claim to have?

I could go mysterious:

Denton Froese
Bossa Nova Hero
"If you need him... he'll find you."

I could try to make a difference in this horrible world:

Denton Froese
Spelling and Apostrophe Consultant

Or I could try to skew to the unexpected:

Denton Froese
Scorpion and Spider products
(wholesale discounts available)

Perhaps I could live out a dream:

Denton Froese
Prairie Discoveries and Arctic Expeditions

I could try a pop culture reference...

Denton Froese
Former Spanish Monarch and Zamboni Driver

Or, I could just take the GWAR option.

Dentusk Frothicate
Cosmic Starlord and Destroyer of Prophecy

I've still got a few days to make my choice. Any ideas?


Joel McNally said...

GWAR or mysterious

Denton said...

I could always combine the two, and list myself as "Bossa Nova Starlord". But I think that's what's on David Bowie's business card already.

Theriaka said...

I like 'unexpected'! Everyone should create a title for themselves - not the one they are given, but the one they want to be. It's a great idea!! Love it.

The Capillary said...

My vote goes to: Bossa Nova Hero. If only for your tag line, "If you need him... he'll find you."

About The Author

My photo

Canadian explorer. Chemist by training, biologist by nature. Long-time supporter and participant in National Novel Writing Month. Known as "Aquadeo" in most Internet circles. Also known as "that guy with the pants" to people who have seen me in certain pants.