Why yes, we do have a children's menu.

Over the noon hour today, the discussion at work skewed to "the greatest restaurant ever". The way I see it, you can only go so far serving lobster stuffed with tacos or gold-plated caviar. The real future, my friends, is in Interactive Dining.

Here's the idea: The restaurant is in a very long room. At one end are the main entrance and the tables. At the other end is the buffet table. In the center are various obstacles, barriers, and corridors that must be traversed, and along either wall are people armed with paintball guns. Just pay a fee at the front, and it's all you can eat. The only catch is that you have to go get it, and if you're hit, you forfeit your plate.

It's health-conscious: You get some exercise, you're less likely to go back for seconds, and the route to the salad bar is a Neutral Zone.

It's team-building: A well co-ordinated group will be able to assault the buffet table much more effectively than someone on their own. Great for business lunches!

It's socially pro-active: The paintball guns are all manned by homeless people. If they shoot you down, they get the food you were carrying!

And if that weren't wonderful enough, my co-worker MJ even found the perfect name for our paintball buffet: Apocalypse Chow. I swooned when I heard that. Swooned, I tell you.

Alas, such a thing might never come to pass. That's why I love writing, though: The fictional Agent Casey just discovered his favourite fictional restaurant. But don't worry -- even non-fictional people can capture a small bit of the experience. After all, what is a theme restaurant without its signature dessert? Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present:

T2: Fudge-Mint Dae.

I have seen the future, and it's as delicious as it is dystopian. Enjoy!

(In case you're wondering, I got those eyes from a box of Smarties. That's probably the first time since I was seven that I ate the red ones last.)